First race of the year; first race of a new season; first race as an ITU Elite…

and I would describe it as an overwhelming disappointment. I cried, face in hands, 4 days later after reading the line, “…it’s easy to get outside yourself when you’re thinking about someone else” (Born To Run, 2009).

I came to this sport out of a recommendation. I came out of someone else’s vision of my potential success. Day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, I have begun the process of adopting this vision as my own. Everyday I have questioned myself of why I have begun this process. Why I have made the decision to become a professional at an intensely grueling sport. So far, every time I have come up with the same honest answer. The answer never comes as, “I want to be the best,” or “I want a chance at an Olympic berth.” The answer comes simply as, “I have chosen this path because of the certain life I want to live.” Is that an odd, unconventional, non-traditional answer? Maybe, but it is one that rings true and resonates in my heart. I believe those opportunities of being the best and the chance at an Olympic berth will come from an honest journey to reach the life I want to live. That life is made up of personal criteria that I am fortunate to share with someone else.

“…it is easy to get outside yourself when you’re thinking about someone else…”

I have been in competitive sports for a long time. I have grown to know and understand that the best performances come when there is selflessness. It was reassuring to read that line and breakdown in my immense disappointment over my lack of initiative and my lack of stressing importance on understanding bike gearing and T1 efficiency in my first Elite race that led to the underperformance. It was reassuring to cry because I am not doing this solely for myself. I am doing this for the life I want to live and the people living it with me. My motivation for success in this sport comes from striving for my innate contentment and at the root of that innate contentment lays a newly found selflessness. I have realized what I am trying to build is not success in a sport, but it is much more the building of the success of my life.